Good Stewardship

My approach to my desires used to exist entirely in the realm of self-gratification. I wanted the things I wanted to please me, to satisfy some aspect of longing. So often I have been granted exactly what I believed I desire, only to find that the moment the desire was satiated, I no longer saw value in the object. Each time I found myself in this predicament I would make a joke inside myself that I won’t ask God for anything else. Of course, something else always arises. I have come to understand that this seeking for self-fulfillment for the sake of self alone is a dead-end street. Nothing settles in that space beyond the fleeting feeling of temporary satisfaction. 

Beyond that, I was not a good steward of my blessings. 

I would ask for things and not rest in gratitude for being granted what I’d asked for. I wouldn’t treat the things I was granted with as valuable. The reason for that was I was operating on a faulty premise. I believed that external things could add value to me. Once I received them, the fallacy of that became clear. 

I am the most valuable aspect of my existence. I am the only thing that has endured throughout my life’s journey. My presence as my consciousness is what stands the test of time. So instead of gaining value from the outside, I extend my value to the outside. 

The value in things comes from me. It is what I assign to them. I am learning in my mindfulness practice to extend my value to all things that arise in my consciousness, not just those things I ask for. The reason for this is that it is all the result of divine creation. Even the things I deem unfavorable or unworthy of my attention deserve to have it. Why? Simply because they share existence with me. Existence necessitates its own value. Just as every hair on my head has its place, every cell in my body has a function, every occurrence has value. 

I don’t delude myself into believing that I will love and appreciate all aspects of life in the sense that they will please me. 

I simply recognize that even the absence of pleasure is a gift.

Anything held constant becomes stagnation. To the degree that I always feel pleasure, I will also become desensitized to it. This is due to the nature of our sensational experience in a body. We feel to the degree that our nervous system recognizes changes in the external stimuli of the environment. Feeling REQUIRES change. 

For this reason, there is a paradox. 

To have satisfaction, there must be times when you don’t have it. 

So now when I consult the universe, I have decided to set a different intention. Instead of asking for things that are pleasing to me, I ask that I be made a good steward to what is being offered to me. Let me be a good steward to my blessings. Let me be a good steward to my challenges. Let me be a good steward to my pain. Let me be a good steward to my joy. Let me be a good steward to disappointment. Let me be a good steward to faith. All of these offerings of spirit are to expand me as a spiritual being. It is my highest intention to let God, The Universe, The Divine have her/his/their/its way with me. I trust in the benevolence of that source. I trust that it has wisdom beyond any wisdom I can attain. I trust that it means me well. I trust that it means us well. I trust that it has the intention to do the highest good for the greatest number of beings. So that means if I don’t get what I think I desire, it’s only because it was not as fruitful as what is truly in store for all those being blessed by what is occurring. 

We look at life and we think why does suffering have to occur.

We haven’t learned that suffering teaches us compassion. It teaches us how to enter into our heart space. It teaches us how to grieve. It teaches us how to surrender. It teaches us what matters. It teaches us what does not. We are selfish in our nature. That is the nature of the human being. Even that is divine, because to truly come to know love through your free will is to traverse the plane of selfishness and ask that it be transformed into selflessness for the sake of the Divine will, on behalf of everyone.

Being a good steward is about learning to Love above our own nature. We’re going to need divine intervention to do so, but if we can just set the intention the rest will be given by grace.